Aesop's Fables PotC Style!
by Luthy Lovett
Summary: A wacky collection of Aesop's Fables, retold with the characters of PotC. It's me writing them, so expect many crazy things inside, along with much Beckett bashing goodness.
1. The Cock and the Pearl

Summary: Mmmkay, I just finished reading a book of Aesop's Fables, and this idea popped into my head: Why not rewrite them with the PotC characters? So, behold! Here it is.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Bugger.

**Chapter 1: The Cock and the Pearl**

One fine day a cock was strutting up and down the farmyard. But this cock was not just any old cock. This cock was a man named Beckett. Beckett was strutting in front of the hens, showing off to them. These hens were not just any hens- oh, wait, yes they were. They were just plain old hens.

Anyhow, while Beckett was showing off, he suddenly spotted something glittering amid the straw. "Hoho, lo and behold!" quoth he, "I see something shiny- and it's for me!"

With that, Beckett dove into the straw, and came back up holding a pearl. "Oh, curses," quoth Beckett, "You may beith a treasure to some, but to me- you are nothing! NOTHING!"

He threw it down on the ground, and scoffed, "To me, thou wouldst only be a treasure if you were a belly dancing outfit. Humph."

And with that proclamation, he turned away, and began showing off to the plain hens again.

Suddenly, (Captain!) Jack Sparrow appeared in a puff of hot pink smoke filled with glitter. "Pearl!" he shouted, diving onto the pearl that Beckett had discarded.

And with that, he disappeared in another smoke puff.

**_Precious things are for those that can prize them._**


	2. The Wolf and the Lamb

Disclaimer: Alas, I still do not own it.

**Chapter Two: The Wolf and the Lamb**

Once upon a time the Kraken was splashing around in spring on a hillside. No one, not even the author, knows how the Kraken got there. The Kraken looked up, and lo behold, what should he see but Beckett just beginning to drink from the stream a little lower down.

"Mmmgaaaa! Hungymonkmonk!" thought the Kraken, since he obviously speaks only Kraken. Duh. Translation: "Mmm, supper!"

The Kraken cocked it's oddly shaped head and wondered, "Grukywak?" (But how to get it?)

An idea slowly came into the beast's mind. Raising his head, he looked at Beckett and roared, "ROARRR! Mundymundy hehe! Youpers!" (ROAR! How dare you make my water dirty!)

Beckett looked at him, unsure of what the Kraken wanted. Befuddled, he shrugged, and went back to drinking from the spring.

The Kraken banged a tentacle on the ground. He thought again, and finally asked, "Meangat flowflow?" (Why'd you call me names before?)

Beckett looked up at the leviathan in puzzlement. "Why, I have no idea whatever you are saying!" And with that, he began to drink again.

"Whathywa!" (Whatever.) With that, the Kraken snapped Beckett up in one of his tentacles, and began to wave him around.

Beckett somehow managed to get a few words out before the Kraken gobbled him up, "**_Any excuse will serve a tyrant!"_** He paused for a split second, then said, "Although, I suppose _I'm_ the tyrant in real life. Oh, well."

And with that, the Kraken ate him.


	3. The Dog and the Shadow

Note: In case you haven't caught on by now, Beckett's going to be the negative character inall ofthese.

Disclaimer/sob/ Do you HAVE to rub it in? You already know the answer!

**Chapter Three: The Dog and the Shadow**

It happened that Beckett had bought a new belly dancing outfit and was carrying it home in his mouth to try on. Now, on his way home he had to cross a bridge over water. (Well, of course the bridge is over water, where else would it be?)

As Beckett was crossing said bridge, he happened to look down and see himself reflected in the water beneath.

"Oh, hurray!" Beckett chirruped stupidly. "Another me with a belly dancing outfit!"

Now, Beckett thought that he saw in the water was another him, with another belly dancing outfit. He decided he must have that outfit.

"I must have that nifty belly dancing outfit!" Beckett said determinedly.

Forgetting he had hands, for he was very stupid, Beckett snapped at the reflection in the water, trying to grab the outfit.

Come on, guess what happens next.

Ready?

Surprisingly enough, when he opened his mouth, his brand spanking new belly dancing outfit fell out. It dropped into the water and sank, due to the huge amount of tingling, ringing coin-things on it. It was never seen again.

"Waahhh!" Beckett sobbed, and ran home.

_**Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow.**_


	4. The Lion's Share

Disclaimer: Bah. Humbug.

**Chapter Four: The Lion's Share**

Once, way back in PotC: Curse of the Black Pearl land, when Jack was still captain of the Black Pearl, and Barbossa was his first mate, Jack decided to raid a small town. His crew happily agreed.

They made land, and ran screaming throughout the town, tormenting the towns-people and stealing random items. Finally, there was no more to steal, so they hauled it all back to the Pearl.

"'Ow are we gonna divide the spoils?" One scurvy pirate crewmember asked.

"I'll tell ye 'ow we're gonna split it. Make four piles." Jack ordered.

So, the crew made four piles, although they were a bit puzzled.

"The first heapin' pile of glitterin' gold is fer me, since I'm the cap'n of this 'ere ship. The second is mine as arbiter, whatever that means. The third comes to me for my part in the raiding, which consisted of me ordering you around. As for the fourth quarter," Jack said, smirking, "Well, as for that, I'd like to see which of ye will dare ta lay one of yer grimy mitts upon it."

The crewmembers looked at each, then glared at Jack, murder in their eyes. Howling various things, they rushed at Jack.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

That night, the crew mutinied, and marooned Jack on that forsaken spit of land.

**_You may share the labours of the great, but you will not share the spoil._**

Actually, Aesop's moral really doesn't apply here. Because the crew ended up with all the treasure. Oh, well.


	5. The Wolf and the Crane

Disclaimer: Even thought I _don't _own it, let's lie and say I do.

**Chapter 5: The Wolf and the Crane**

Jack had been pigging out on some yummy food in a tavern in Tortuga. He was smacking his lips and making various other sounds that showed just how much he loved his meal, when he got a small bone stuck in his throat, and couldn't swallow it.

"Ack!" he sputtered, for it hurt something terrible. He ran through the tavern, back and forth, knocking over various things in the process. When he was beginning to get evil glares, he began to run up and down the streets of Tortuga, groaning and seeking for something to relieve his pain.

Every time he saw a person, he began to run up to ask them to remove the terrible bone in his throat, but they ran away from what they thought was a wild, mad man.

Finally, he stumbled upon someone he knew.

"Scarlet!" he gasped, and then flinched as she smacked him across the face. "Darling! Just take this nasty bone out of my throat- I'll give you anything!"

She sniffed, and finally agreed to it. She told him to lie on his side and open his mouth as wide as he could. Then, she stuck her long arm down his throat, and removed the bone.

"Now," she said. "Where's that reward you promised me?"

Jack grinned, showing gold-capped teeth. "Be content, luv," he said. "You've put your hand inside a Sparrow's beak, and removed it in one piece. That ought ta be reward enough for ya."

She glared at him, and slapped him across the face again, before stalking off, waggling her hips around as she walked.

**_Gratitude and greed go not together. _**(Whatever that means! O.o)


	6. The Man and the Serpent

Disclaimer: You honestly expect me to come up with something funny and/or witty _every_ time/sigh/

**Chapter 6: The Man and the Serpent**

Beckett was belly dancing down the road one day, when a cannibal happened to see him. Said cannibal shot said Beckett with a poisoned dart.

With a strangled, "Grawwwwk!" Beckett fell to the ground, dead.

Mr. Mercer soon came along, and noticing his dead friend/master/lover, he picked up a nearby axe, chased the cannibal and cut off the cannibal's ponytail.

So, in revenge, the cannibal at the mapmaker, which made Mercer very sad, for he was also having a relationship with the mapmaker.

"Hah!" said the cannibal, before running back to his smelly cannibal cave of cannibalistic cannibalism.

My. Mercer randomly decided to be nice, and brought a peace offering of food and honey to the mouth of the cannibal's lair.

"I've decided to forgive you. Who knows? Beckett may have deserved it. Wanna be friends, now that we've both messed up each other's lives?"

The cannibal, liking neither food, honey, nor Mr. Mercer, threw the peace offering right in Mr. Mercer's face and stalked back into his cave.

Mr. Mercer, smiling thinly and wiping honey off his face, the cannibal's actions to mean, "No, no. Take away your gifts, kind friend, for you can never forget your lover's death, nor I the loss of my ponytail."

Whistling, he ran off to Tortuga to find another "friend".

**_Injuries may be forgiven, but not forgotten._**


	7. The Fox and the Crow

Disclaimer: Aesop would KILL me if he read these! XD

**Chapter 7: The Fox and the Crow**

Jack once saw Beckett running naked through a field with a piece of cheese in his mouth.

"I want that cheese!" muttered Jack, as he saw Beckett sit down.

Beckett then crawled up a tree.

"Good day, Lord Beckett" Jack called out. "How well you are looking… so blue, so chickenish, so… 'sleek and sexy'! No doubt you sing beautifully. Care to sing a song fer me?"

Beckett, idiotic git that he is, lifted up his head, and sang, "Grawwwwwk!"

Of course, the cheese fell out of his mouth.

"Haha!" Jack cackled, gobbling up the cheese. "Loser! You bloody chicken! As ol' Aesop would say, **_do not trust flatterers_**."

And with that, he disappeared in a puff of glitter, pink smoke.

Beckett sobbed in remorse at the loss of his cheese. He cried so hard, he fell out of the tree, cracked his head on a rock, and died.


	8. The Sick Lion

Disclaimer: I love Jones, and Clanker, but I don't own them. Also, Davy technically owns the nameless crew-members soul, but I own the idea of him. XD

**Chapter Eight: The Sick Lion**

For some reason, Davy Jones's body just up and quit on him one day.

Boom.

Just like that; no warning.

So, he lay sprawled on the top of his organ, ever nearing death and gasping for breath.

His crew came 'round him and drew nearer and nearer as he became more and more helpless.

"Hey!" grunted Maccus. "'E looks half-dead! We should tell him what we _really_ think of him!"

Maccus beamed, thinking himself intelligent, as everyone nodded happily.

So, Jimmylegs came up and cracked his whip on Davy Jones's back a few times.

No response, save for a low moan.

Next, Clanker came up, and stole Jones's left shoe.

Again, no response.

"Woohoo!" cheered Clanker, attaching the shoe to his rather-large nose and running off.

Soon, a crewmember of such low standing that we don't even know his name came up. He looked at Davy, and, feeling quite safe from danger, turned around and farted in Davy's face.

"This is a double death," growled Davy Jones, though it is still not known to this day whether he was referring to the fart or the humiliation.

**_Only cowards insult dying majesty._**


End file.
